"Breaking the Disordered Rules"
So here I sit at 12:20pm eating my lunch.
What is that ED? I’m not allowed to eat my lunch until 1pm?
‘No lunch before 1pm’ is just one of the many, many illogical rules that you force me to follow. I know how this works.
Because I have to leave for an appointment at 1, you want me to wait to eat lunch until after I return. You’re sneaky though because if I obey your first rule, you get to enforce another one of your rules; the ‘no eating a meal and snack in close succession’ rule. By eating my lunch much later, I will be eating too near afternoon snack time and therefore cannot then have afternoon snack as well. This means I skip a meal and end up not eating enough in my day.
That’s just what you want isn’t it? You want anything that is going to make me eat later than I should and as little as possible.
I always fall for your tricks; not realizing that it is just disordered little you, spouting your disordered nonsense. You put the fear of God in me if I even consider doing something different, so I listen to you and I follow your rules like the obedient little girl I am.
Today, I don’t want to eat my lunch at 3pm though. I will be so hungry by then that I won’t be able to think straight. That is when you like to strike again. You get into my head when I am weak and tell me all the things I can’t eat and why. My head gets pretty crowded and loud with both you and me in there arguing. Sometimes it gets so loud I can no longer decide what to eat, so I end up not eating anything at all and you win again.
Well, today I am deciding to break your rules. Every time I listen to you I end up going hungry. I’m hungry now and need to eat something, so it might as well be my lunch.
Yep, here I go. I’m biting in to my sandwich… at 12:20pm!
Just you watch me.